oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
