If i come over, it means nothing
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
