You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
