Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
