so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
