He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
