she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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