he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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