I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
