it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
