I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
