i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
