turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
