I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
