bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there is glitter all over my balls
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