Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize