If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize