When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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