hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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