I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
