Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
