i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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