i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
