Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
