A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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