I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
