I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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