I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
