matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
