She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
