think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
