I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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