I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
