Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
