This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
