you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
