i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
