Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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