My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
