I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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