I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
