i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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