i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
