he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
