i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
