3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
