i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
