ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
