32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
