I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
