How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
