well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
