Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
