i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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