I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
