I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
