Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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