Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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