It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
