Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
