Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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