I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
