I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
