Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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