If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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