I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
