I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
