Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
