The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
