girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
