if i can run in heels then i can drive
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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