if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
whose parrot is this?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
