He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
