I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
