She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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