I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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