I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
