I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
