I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
