i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
