wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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