what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
