Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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