so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Are we still banned from the library?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
