What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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