look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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