so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
