I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
