ugly people sure do ruin things
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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