this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
